FSA Regional Conference

Yesterday was the Colorado Families Supporting Adoption (FSA) Regional Conference. It was a really great day. We attended classes and panels taught by birth mothers, individuals who have been adopted, and parents of adopted children. We laughed, we cried, and we learned a lot. We met some wonderful new friends and enjoyed seeing old friends once again. But most of all we came away filled with appreciation for the blessing that is adoption and hopeful that we will adopt when the time is right.

I try to be positive about the adoption process, but the truth is some days are hard. Some days I don't want to wait any longer. Some days I feel angry or sad or just impatient. But then we have an experience, like we did yesterday, that reminds us that everything is going to be okay. Better than that - everything is going to be amazing. If we just wait. And remember.

One of the presenters that I listened to yesterday shared a beautiful essay. The essay was written to express what life is like raising a child with a disability, but it can also apply to what life feels like when you are trying to build a family through adoption. It really touched my heart. The title of the essay is "Welcome to Holland" and it was written by Emily Perl Kingsley.

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

I also made a cake for the FSA Conference yesterday. Here's a picture: