Because I Want To Remember

It's early and the sky outside is starting to turn from black to blue as I sit here listening to my dad sleep. He coughs occasionally, but mostly he sounds the way he always has when sleeping. The house is quiet and filled with peace and even joy, which may sound odd considering our beloved daddy is dying. But it's undeniable; the peace is thick and heavy, like a favorite blanket, and it permeates this home. We all feel it.

He spent eleven grueling days in the ICU, not to mention two years of sickness from kidney disease, and in the end he made the choice. He wanted to come home. The doctor told my dad he wouldn't make it home and asked him to stay. My stubborn dad wouldn't consider staying one day longer. The doctor said he would be willing to bet my dad wouldn't survive the trip. My dad, with his typical sense of humor, stuck out his hand to shake on it. We all laughed, but we should have put some money on that bet. That was Tuesday.

My dad made it home. He knows he's home, and since he got here he has been content and at peace. Sure, there have been a great deal of tears and sadness around here, but overall the house has been filled with peace and love; a sacred, wonderful feeling. We are a close family, but we feel even closer. We love each other so much. We laugh, we eat, we visit and do all the things we usually do when we are together. These days have been some of the best of my life.

And yet my dad's presence fills us. It fills this house. It's the reason we are all here. He's the subject on our minds and tongues, the purpose for being together. One day in the hospital when he was especially sick, my dad said one single word: party. When they weren't sure that was what he had said he even spelled it in the air for them. He is definitely the one who has started this party, gathered us all here, and the reason the party continues.

What will happen when he's gone?

When we no longer hear him snoring softly in the background?

I'm not sure. But there are a few things I do know: my dad has lived a great life. He has been the best dad a girl could ever have had. He is loved by everyone who knows him. I know it's cliche, but the world truly is a better place because of him. And I also know it's his time to go. I know he will be happy in the next life, where he will be with his dad and other loved ones. And I know that Heavenly Father loves all of us and is sending his spirit to comfort and uphold us all. I know this is right.

It's getting later now and people are waking up. The grandkids are giggling with grandma and Aunt Brittany next to grandpa's bed. A movie is playing downstairs. Grandma & grandpa Klingler are making pancakes in the kitchen. The rest of us are sitting here chatting. The sun is up and shining in warm streams through the front windows. I know there are going to many hard times ahead, for my mom, for all of us. But the spirit is telling my heart one more truth: we will be okay.

And I know it's true.