Tender Mercies of the Lord

Several years ago, Elder David A. Bednar gave a beautiful conference address about the Tender Mercies of the Lord. In his talk, he said the following:

I have reflected repeatedly upon the phrase “the tender mercies of the Lord.” Through personal study, observation, pondering, and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly, the Lord suits “his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men” (D&C 46:15).

During the past month, while our family was going through the experience of our father's death, we were overwhelmed with tender mercies from the Lord. For some time now, I've known I needed to record these tender mercies so I can remember and my children can know of them. It's been hard for me to do. For one thing, I'm afraid I can't remember all of them. I'm praying the Lord will bring all things to my remembrance. For another things, it's just hard to think back on those days. Some days as I am dealing with my grief, I don't really feel like remembering the tender mercies. But remembering helps. It brings the spirit and peace and solace. So, this list is a personal list of the tender mercies I remember experiencing. My list may not be perfectly complete, and my mom and my siblings might remember very different tender mercies than I do. But this list, to me, is evidence of the Lord's love for me.

When I got the phone call from my mom that I needed to come, it was not good timing. I had taken Gerald to the airport that morning to fly to AZ to help his parents for the weekend. My cell phone was dead and I couldn't find the cord. It was laundry day, and most everything was dirty. I was a mess and kept walking around the house in a daze. I booked my last-second flight; the plane was supposed to take off in 2 hours (I live 45 minutes from the airport) and I hadn't packed a thing. I was saved by two angels - great friends who showed up without being asked. They took Katelee to play with their children, packed all Katelee's bags, helped me remember what I needed to pack for myself, made us both lunch, gave us a card with cash to help with travel expenses, and drove us to the airport. Admist the packing, I tore my house apart looking for my cell phone's charger. When I couldn't find it, they even gave me one of their cell phones to use while traveling. Then after I left they returned to my apartment and put it back into order and then called all my piano students for me and cancelled my lessons. We had a layover in SLC, and were saved by another amazing friend who picked us up from the airport and took us to dinner. This made my night, and Katelee's too. We loved seeing them and getting out of the airport for awhile. For the next two weeks I received texts, phone calls and emails from good friends, and many, many people were praying for us. Since I've been home, I've been blessed with good friends who call to talk, stop by with surprise dinner, drop everything to run to Wal-Mart with me late at night so I don't have to go by myself, and are just there to talk. I've also received thoughtful cards, flowers, and even a wonderful package in the mail from loving friends. So, for me, good friends are a huge tender mercy from the Lord.

Kind strangers were also evidence of the Lord's love for me. There was the nice lady I talked to on the phone when trying to book a last-minute flight. When she told me the initial price for tickets, I couldn't help it - I started to sob. I told her the whole story. She couldn't make the tickets cheaper, but she did help me find a cheaper flight to get on. Because I booked the flight so last minute, Katelee and I were assigned seats about 8 rows away from each other. Kind people traded seats with us so we could sit together, and nice strangers talked with Katelee and helped keep her happy throughout our flights. And there was the lady who was visiting her mother in the ICU who stopped me to ask about my dad and offer her sympathy. So many nice people who made a stressful situation a bit easier.

Katelee and Gerald were such a support to me, too. Katelee was such a trooper that day we traveled. She must have been exhausted - I had woken her extra extra early that morning to take Gerald to the airport. Our day's plans had been completely altered, but she was so good. She carried her big backpack and her doll and ran with me through the airport, keeping up and not complaining. She was obedient and helpful and overall a huge support to me. The next two weeks were not the happiest or very fun for her, but she did amazingly well all things considered. I am very proud to have her for my daughter. I love her so much and am grateful for all the hugs and kisses she gave me and for all the ways she supported me during this time. As mentioned before, Gerald had left that same morning to fly to Arizona. Within an hour of landing in AZ he got back on a plane and flew to join me in St. George. I am grateful to his understanding family and to his parents for helping him pay to fly to St. George. I am so glad Gerald was there. He is such a rock, willing to do anything to help out, and I depend on him so much. I love him.

Extended family was constantly there to support and help us, too. There are almost too many acts of service to name. While my dad was still in ICU, my Aunt Dori let us stay at her house and also use her car as needed. She kept Katelee as much as she could, letting her play with her young girls. They took her to McDonald's, a bouncy playhouse, they had tea parties and made crafts, had Wii dance parties, watched movies and dressed-up. My sweet little cousin, Abby, gave Katelee her own Tangled Barbie dolls. My uncle John gave Katelee a new stuffed puppy. Aunt Kim and her family helped provide dinner for us and came to check on us often. Grandma and Grandpa Klingler brought us many meals to the hospital. They also took Katelee one day so she didn't have to be at the hospital. They took her shopping at Target and bought her a new swimming suit, cozy outfit, and Polly Pocket and ice cream cone. Talk about spoiled! :) Then they took her swimming at their pool. My Aunt Darla spent a lot of time doing what she could to take care of my mom, and insisted on booking our flights home for us, which was a huge blessing and relief. Grandma Thurston also let us stay at her house for awhile. She packed "goody" bags for Katelee to take to the hospital and let us take toys and playing cards from her house to use while hanging out at the hospital, too. We felt constantly surrounded by love.

And then there was my mom. I've never been more proud of my mom or loved her more than I have this past month. She is amazing. She is strong. She is my hero. Sometimes she was so concerned about us that we had to tell her to let us worry about her for awhile. :) She truly is one of my best friends and I want to be just like her someday.

One big tender mercy from the Lord through this whole experience was the opportunity to just be together as a family. How often do you get so much uninterrupted time all together? All of us - the four kids and our siblings and my parents - were together. I love my siblings so much. We enjoyed our time together. It was a very bonding time and my love for each of my siblings and their amazing spouses grew 100 times stronger. We have amazing in-laws in this family; this had to be a stressful time for them, but they were all wonderful and supportive and awesome. We felt very unified. And despite the sad things that were happening, we had fun. Someone (was it JD?) invented an entertaining game to play in the outer foyer of the hospital (only 2 visitors are allowed in ICU at a time, so we did a lot of sitting out in the foyer) that involved throwing coins at a cup and tray. It was lots of fun until a security guard came and asked us to stop (oops.) We weren't being loud or obnoxious, truly, so we were a little annoyed. But we found other ways to entertain ourselves and enjoy each other's company. :)

We appreciated the good nurses and doctors that served my dad, and for the fact that my mom's neighbor and dear friend is a hospice worker and so she set everything up for when we took dad home and was the one who came to check on him and help out over those couple of days.

The spirit in my parent's house while we were all at home with my dad was amazing. It's hard for me to describe, but it was so strong and so solid it was almost like another presence. One cousin, visiting on the day of the funeral, said it felt like walking into the temple when walking into our front door. I felt that was a very apt description for the feeling, but it had already subsided quite a bit since my dad had died and they had taken him. I believe angels were in our home for those days. I've never felt anything like it before or since. But it was powerful. And real. And a huge tender mercy from the Lord.

My dad's passing was so peaceful, so sweet, so perfectly the way to go, that I can't help feeling the Lord gave us that as another tender mercy. He never experienced the labored breathing or the 'death rattle' that they warned us would come. I personally was caught a bit off guard, because I thought things would get much worse before he actually went. But I'm so glad that things didn't have to get worse. My dad was sleeping peacefully. We had all had a chance to tell him how much we loved him. We were all hanging out in his room. We were singing primary songs. Shortly before he died, someone asked if we should keep singing. My sister, Melissa, said she thought he was enjoying our beautiful voices. She couldn't finish the sentence without laughing (because our voices are not that beautiful!) and we all started to laugh. Then we sang more songs. While singing I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus, he just stopped breathing. I didn't even notice. We finished the song, and my mom said, "You guys, I don't think he's breathing anymore." I like to think the last things he heard was our laughter, our singing, and our expressions of love.

There were so many things that fell into place with the funeral that seem like tender mercies to me. When planning the program, everything just fell right into place. I felt very sure that if my dad had planned his own funeral, he would have planned the exact same thing. We all really wanted our Uncle Brad to speak. Uncle Brad has been sick with a terrible cough for a long time. He didn't feel he would be able to get through a talk, let alone a few sentences, without coughing. We all prayed, and he did it. He sat on the stand for the funeral, and I didn't hear or notice him cough once. And he gave a beautiful talk. We were all able to talk and express the feelings of our heart. It was a very spiritual and uplifting experience, a celebration of my dad's life.

The weather the day of the funeral was unseasonably, beautifully warm and bright and sunny.

My parent's community and ward were thoroughly amazing. One of the most tender parts of the funeral to me was walking into the chapel as everyone stood standing and looking back and seeing the crowd that stretched all the way to the stake center stage. I've mentioned that the night before, the line for the viewing reached all the way down the hall and out the door at one point. We had more food than we could eat and so many neighbors and friends and loved ones checking up on us. More than one person pulled me aside and whispered to me that they would take care of my mom. That meant more to me than almost anything. The local police department (against normal tradition) gave us a police escort to the cemetery, stopping stop lights and traffic, in a gesture to honor my dad. Columns were written in his memory in the local paper. Words were spoken about him at the city council meeting. The high school and junior high school both had moments of silence and tributes to my dad. The day after the funeral, all the men had to leave to get back to work or school. That same day, my mom's kitchen table broke, the truck wouldn't start, and when we turned on the water we discovered there were some broken sprinklers. I think maybe my mom was given those trials to understand how much support she had. Everything was taken care of speedily and lovingly by good friends and neighbors.

Oh, and I can't forget the tender mercy that was my Aunt Darla being inspired to plan our family reunion in December. I will be forever grateful for the time I had to spend with my dad at that reunion.

Wow. I have been blessed. If there is one thing I have learned from this whole experience, it is that I am loved. And also, it is how much I love my family, my friends, and my Heavenly Father.

Because I could never say it better, here is one last important quote from Elder Bednar's talk:

We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord’s tender mercies. The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live. When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance (see 1 Ne. 1:20).

A Few Pictures

Katelee enjoying playing Wii Dance Party with cousins while we all watched. This was at Aunt Dori's house while dad was still in ICU. We had to leave every evening between 5:00 and 7:30 p.m. while they had shift change, so Aunt Dori was sweet to let us all come and hang out during that time. Katelee is so cute when she boogies!

Speaking of finding ways to entertain ourselves while in the hospital waiting area . . . we were lamenting about how the hospital only had chairs - no couches to stretch out on. Someone dared skinny Brittany to try to stretch out through the tiny arm rests! Ha ha ha! It was pretty funny to watch, and in the end she did it!

The weather was so beautiful the day of the funeral. And the flowers were gorgeous. We went back later and all chose some flowers to take home and keep.