It's Official!

Blake is ours!

This morning we went to court for our adoption finalization.  We are so grateful to Julie Walker, our case worker, who has been so sweet and helpful every step of the way, to Ray Goodwin, our lawyer, who is AMAZING and selfless and great at his job, and to the kind judge who treated us so kindly and gave my kids stuffed animals as keepsakes.

The court proceedings were very official, and yet fun, too.  We each had to testify and answer certain questions regarding Blake.  It was easy to explain that we love him and want him in our lives . . . and YES, we do understand that this is permanent.  :)  Hallelujah! 

Blake and daddy, waiting to go into the court.

 Afterwards the judge invited us for pictures.  Katelee got to sit in the judge's chair.  ;)

 A very happy family!

 I forgot to mention that during the proceedings, while Gerald and I were testifying, Blake was laughing.  It was pretty cute.  It was probably because Katelee kept pulling silly faces at him and/or making little noises at him.  I kept trying to shush them, but only half halfheartedly.  His giggles were pretty sweet.  And we like to think that maybe he was just feeling really happy to be legally joining our family as well!  ;)

 One happy boy!

Now we just can't wait for June 16th!

Baby Shower

This post is about five months late, but better late than never, right?

Shortly after Blake was born, my visiting teacher gave me a baby shower.  We invited all my friends from the ward.  It was the most overwhelming beautiful, amazing, supportive baby shower ever!  I have an amazing ward, but I still completely stunned at the generosity.  The shower was open-house-style, the decorations were gorgeous, the food delicious, and tons of people came.  And the gifts!  It took me over an hour just to open all the gifts.  Sadly, I forgot to take my camera to the event, but after getting home we laid out all our gifts and I just basked in the love I felt.   

 My family members were also incredibly generous.  My Thurston cousins sent me a 'Baby Shower in a Box.'   My aunt sent me a new stroller.  My siblings all gave me adorable clothes, and Melissa gave me plenty of hand-me-downs.

And many of our friends outside of Colorado sent beautiful and thoughtful gifts: crocheted blankets, hooded bath towels, boxes of hand-me-down clothes, and more.

Just to explain how incredibly blessed we are, we didn't have to buy a single diaper for Blake until he was 4 1/2 months old, and we still have three boxes of diapers in the next size up when he grows a little more.

I haven't had to buy Blake even one single item of clothing.  I have bought him Christmas jammies and a sweater vest for Easter, but those were just because I wanted to, not because he actually needed anything.  And I have a full box of clothes in every size until he is over a year old.

And one sweet woman gave us a changing table/dresser to use that has been so handy.

I feel so blessed and so loved, and I wanted to remember always how much that meant to me.

I *Heart* Adoption

I've been wanting to write for awhile now about my feelings concerning adopting a child, and our bonding with Blake in particular. It's hard for me to express my feelings on this topic, because they are so tender and near, but I feel it's important.

Recently, a well-meaning friend praised me for making the choice to adopt. As she put it, she thinks this is amazing because she loves her own children so, so much, but she doesn't love other peoples' children. I think my sweet friend was trying to give me a compliment by saying that I must have a more loving or open heart than she does, but her remark struck me like a slap in the face.

Because I don't think of Blake as someone else's child - at all or in any sense. Blake is my son.

The truth is, every parent and every child have to learn to bond, regardless of how that child comes to your family. Sometimes it happens more easily and naturally than others. This is how it happened for me.

Bonding with Katelee took more time than I expected. Katelee was born by emergency C-section. I had had an epidural some 8 hours previous to the operation, and though the doctors were certain I wouldn't feel a thing, they were very wrong. I felt the C-section. It was agonizing, and I could tell the doctors what they were doing, even though the sheet blocked my vision. They were stitching me up and I was in more pain that I had ever been in before when Gerald brought Katelee over to meet me. I looked at her. She was beautiful. But I couldn't process it right then. I felt like I was dying. Katelee wasn't breathing normally, so she was whisked off to the NICU, where she spent the next three days. The next time I was allowed to see her was 8 hours after her birth, and then I could only stroke her hand. I wasn't allowed to hold her until her 2nd day of life.

After going home, we settled into a routine. I loved Katelee and cared for her the very best I could. But it was hard, and I was exhausted, and nursing wasn't working out for us. I remember going in for my 6-week check-up with Katelee in tow. The nurse oohed and aahed over Katelee, and then turned to me and said, "Doesn't it just feel like she has always been part of your life and you can't imagine life without her?" I think I just stared blankly at that poor nurse, because honestly I didn't feel that bonded to Katelee yet. I did remember what life was like before she was born, and it was a life in which I could sleep all night and my days weren't controlled by a tiny person that couldn't even talk to me. I wondered what was wrong with me. In hindsight, I know I must have been suffering from some postpartum depression.

Despite the difficulties, however, within a few months of her life beginning, Katelee had her sweet little fingers so tightly wrapped around my heart that I knew I could never love anyone more than I love her. She is my princess, my sweet daughter, and I love her more than life itself. Now I can honestly say I could never, ever imagine my life without her. Our bonding came in time, but just not as quickly as I expected it to.

When we discovered we were expecting Blake, my adoption friends shared their experiences with me. I heard about all types of experiences, from "I knew she was my baby the second she was placed in my arms," to "I feel like I'm babysitting someone else's child." Just like when a parent gives birth to their baby, bonding comes in all sorts of timetables and circumstances. Nobody's situation is wrong or better; it's just unique for everyone.

When Blake was placed in my arms, my first thoughts were of how cute he was. He is simply the cutest baby boy I have ever seen! Oh, and that hair! I marveled at his perfection. But I didn't hear a heavenly choir or feel immediately like I was his mom. But I also wasn't worried about it. Maybe my experience with Katelee had somewhat prepared me. During our stay in the hospital, I began to fall more and more in love with Blake, but I still didn't really think of him as mine. Instead, I thought of him more as ours. We had such a beautiful time in the hospital together with Blake's birthfamily. We spent as much time together as we possibly could. We shared him, in a sense.

But when we got home, I held Blake almost every second that I could. I didn't worry one bit about spoiling him or any such nonsense. I just held him. A lot. And bonding took place much, much more quickly for me. I didn't have my own physical recovery to worry about, which I think helped in my personal case. Within a week of him coming home, I felt as bonded to Blake as I do to Katelee. He was my son, and I felt that in every sense of the word. While we were visiting family for Christmas, my sweet sister-in-law said to me, "It is not possible for anyone to love that baby more than you love him." And I agreed. No part of my heart has held back from falling utterly and completely in love with my baby boy.

I love my children so much. It doesn't even occur to me to take into consideration that one of my children came from my body and one of my children was sent to our family through adoption. It simply makes no difference. They are my children. They are both blessings. And I am their mother, in every possible sense of the word.

I am grateful that I have been blessed in my life to experience these two different ways of having a child join our family. And I am so, so thankful for both of my little miracles.

Professional Placement Pictures

We had a professional photographer come to the hospital and take pictures of all of us at the adoption placement. I am SO GLAD that we did this - what a wonderful way to document this beautiful experience and share it with Blake as he grows up. The photos are now available online, and I think they are gorgeous! If you would like to take a look at them you can go to this link:

Click Here

and type in this password:

Nov272011

The photographer, Candace, was so talented and kind, and insisted on making this special session free of charge. I highly recommend her if you live in the Fort Collins area. Her website is: http://www.livelovemoments.com/

I LOVE these pictures! Hope you do, too!

A Baby Boy!!

I wrote this blog post on our adoption blog this week, and thought it was worthy of copying here.

Dear Little One,

After years of waiting, millions of tears, thousands of disappointed hopes, hundreds of negative pregnancy tests, 5 rounds of fertility drugs, dozens of months of waiting after decided to adopt, 6 weeks of anticipation after being chosen, a lot of faith and patience, and countless wishes and hopes and prayers, we have the ONE perfect answer that makes it all worthwhile.

You are here!

You are wonderful and perfect in every way. You are so, so loved.

Let me tell you a little about your arrival. Saturday night we had been asleep for about an hour or so when we got a phone call. I literally jumped out of bed, because a phone call in the middle of the night could only mean one thing - you were coming! Annalee, your birth grandma, was calling to say they were heading to the hospital. We gathered our things and tidied the house, and prepared to go. About an hour later, they called again to say that Aurianna, your birthmom, had been admitted to the hospital. We woke up Katelee, who was SO EXCITED to hear that you were coming, and dropped her off at our friends house and drove to Fort Collins.

It was 4 a.m. Sunday morning when we arrived at the hospital. We brought snacks and books and settled in for what we expected to be a nice long wait. At 6, I went up to the nurses station to ask how Aurianna was doing and if she had gotten her epidural yet. The nurse smiled and said that actually you had just been BORN! I think my jaw literally dropped! The only thing I could think to say was, "That was FAST!" The nurse kinda laughed at me and agreed, and then another nurse walked up and said they were ready for us to come in. I ran out to get daddy, who was dozing in the lobby, and we hurried into the room.

When we walked in, there was your beautiful birthmom, looking like a rockstar, holding you in her arms. Tears came into my eyes. She handed you to me and I just wanted to look at every bit of you forever. You were absolutely perfect! You weighed 7 lbs. 5 oz. and were 19.5 inches long. You have long, thick black hair and great fingernails. We spent the next two hour or so in the delivery room together: Annalee, Aurianna, Jake (who is your birthdad), Daddy and I, taking turns holding you and loving you. There was a loving and peaceful feeling in the room. You hardly made a sound, but just took in the new world you had come to with your eyes open and thoughtful.

You and Aurianna

You and Jake

You and Grandma Annalee

Mom & Dad and You

After we were transferred to a new area where Aurianna had a room and we had our own room down the hallway. We were glad to be close to where Aurianna and Jake were staying, because we spent a lot of time all together over the next two days. I can't imagine a better hospital experience than what we had. The nurses were amazing - in fact the nurse we had the first day has adopted two children of her own through LDS Family Services! The doctors treated us all with respect and I personally felt that there was no awkwardness or uncomfortableness, because we are all being open with one another and because we love each other. It's true, it feels like in adopting you, Little One, we have adopted another entire amazing family, and we couldn't be more thrilled, because they are AWESOME! :)

Auri and I spent an hour or two chatting the afternoon after the birth and cuddling you, while the guys napped - ha ha ha!
We got to give you your first sponge bath. All five of us crowded into the bathroom, daddy viedotaping like usual. :) The nurse gave us directions and Auri and I worked together and took turns until you were all clean. You complained a tiny bit, but mostly you are just the most peaceful, content, easy-going baby ever. :) LOOK at that head of hair!!

I think you have Jake's hair and ears and Auri's nose. You are simply ADORABLE.

We took a pic of you getting your hearing checked. You passed with flying colors. :)

We had a great time in the hospital. We played Phase 10, talked, had visitors, and mostly just LOVED ON YOU. Someone was holding you almost constantly, and the love in the air was thick.

You have two names, Little One. Not everyone can say that! Aurianna and Jake named you Michael Jared Coy - a good strong name to be proud of. This is the name on your original birth certificate and your legal name until the adoption is finalized. Daddy and I had chosen your name about 10 years ago, however, that we felt strongly about keeping it. It is Blake Thurston Reynolds. Blake is Daddy's middle name and his grandfather's name. Thurston is mommy's maiden name, and is also in honor of your Grandpa Thurston. This is the name we call you at home and will become your legal name when the adoption is finalized.
Late Monday morning, Aunt Bonnie brought Katelee to the hospital to meet you for the first time. It was one of the happiest and sweetest moments of my life. Katelee is utterly, absolutely, 100% in love with you!

We didn't get a good picture of it, but Katelee is wearing a new shirt that says "Big Sister" on it. :)

Going home was a little sad for everyone, and especially for Aurianna and Jake. I, too, didn't want the wonderful experience of the hospital to end. It was all just so sweet and peaceful. But your birthparents are strong and amazing, and we are looking forward to seeing them this weekend. Before they left, they dressed you in the most adorable moose outfit that Annalee and bought for you:

And we tucked you into your car seat for the first time (you look so little!) and all left the hospital together.
We got settled at home that night, and Katelee read you your first bedtime story. I will write more about life at home another time, Little One. Just remember this always: Heavenly Father is a God of miracles. The scripture Mormon 9:19 has never felt more true to me:

And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.

YOU are our miracle, Little One, and we love you with all our hearts!



We will be forever grateful to Aurianna and Jake for their selfless, loving part in making this miracle possible. We have loved them from the beginning, but this past week has made our feelings for them more profound and deep than we can express.




xoxox,

Mom

A Little of This, A Little of That

A little silliness

Katelee took my bucket of rhythm sticks, my cake pan, my earrings, a couple of leaves and a wood chip and created this guy. She is hilarious!

A little mess

I told Katelee she could roll the pie crust dough for me for a moment. I ran to answer the phone. Gerald walked in a minute later and found half the bucket of flour on the counter, Katelee and floor. Lovely.

A little dilemma

Katelee loves her awesome heart glasses. A while back, I sent her into her room to get dressed for school. She came out looking like this. She ate her breakfast, brushed her teeth, made her bed, did a little playing, got her hair done ... and never touched the glasses. In her mind, they were part of her outfit, not a toy. On the way to school, I debated how to handle this. Should I let her walk into school like this? I thought of my friend, Lisa, who is a master at letting her kids express themselves and be true to their own sense of style. But everything in me wanted to make her leave the glasses in the car. In the end, I didn't say a word. (This was really hard for me!) Katelee happily wore the glasses into school. Her teacher asked her to put them in her backpack during class, but she wore them throughout recess and again as soon as school ended. She was happy. She was confident. She felt stylish and independent. I guess it was worth a bit of embarrassment on my part. Though I still debate if I did the right thing. What would you have done? Luckily, the glasses haven't made another school-day appearance.
A little cousin

We enjoy getting to babysit baby Elijah every now and then. Katelee can't get enough of him! What a sweetie!!
A little bragging

We had parent-teacher conferences this past week, and Katelee's teacher told me that she had given Katelee the end-of-the-year reading test. Katelee passed with flying colors. Her teacher is going to begin assigning her first-grade-level reading material. What a smartie pants!

And finally, a little news

We have a couple who is considering us for adoption! We've met them and emailed a bit. When we went to dinner with them, we had a great time and really felt that we had a lot in common and that we formed a friendship. Our case worker called to say that they were serious enough about choosing us that he was going to pull our profile offline for awhile so no one else would choose us in the meantime. We were feeling pretty excited! And then...we haven't heard a thing from them all week. No response to our email, nothing. And we've noticed our profile is, in fact, still live. Not sure whether or not to get excited. IF (and we realize that this is a IF) things work out, the baby is due November 28. We may get our hearts completely broken. Or we might get a baby! But I feel the that the Lord has told me to embrace the experience and live with hope and faith. No matter what happens, we need to go through this for some reason. So, keep your fingers crossed and remember us in your prayers, and we'll keep everyone updated!

FSA splash park playgroup

This is the 2nd summer in a row that we've gone to this splash park with our FSA friends. Both times have resulted in a water fight. This year it was Katelee & Kassandra versus me. :) I was pretty wet, but it was lots of fun!

FSA Play Date

A couple of weeks ago we had another fun FSA playdate. It was at one of our favorite parks, and we had a great time! It was a very pretty morning, and I was able to snap some pics of Katelee having fun with her "adoption friends."

Katelee LOVED this swingy toy. She spend most of her time playing on it.

And the long windy slide.