Yesterday afternoon was so gorgeous that it found Katelee and I playing at the park in our short sleeves. It was a beautiful day, but I felt a little lonely. Someone else's child reminded me of a boy from our neighborhood in Lehi. Suddenly the homesickness hit me, hard. I drove home crying as I admitted to myself how much I missed my old friends.
Lately Katelee has begun sucking her thumb, something she never did before. She cries more often. She throws tantrums like crazy, and asks several times a week when we are going to move back to Lehi. When will this end, I wonder? We've been in Colorado for three months...
This morning, at a different, park, I sat and visited with some other moms from my ward. Everyone was friendly and kind, as always, but I found myself feeling impatient with the "Where are you from? How did you meet your husband?" kind of conversations that are inevitable when you are new. My heart longed for the meaningful, uplifting everyday kind of conversations that only come with other women that you know and love. I miss those conversations. A lot.
I am coming to terms with the fact that when you leave a place and people that you love, there is some mourning that is necessary. It's interesting to me that even though we moved three months ago, my homesickness is worse than it has ever been. Is that normal? Maybe... And maybe I've just been too busy being 'okay' for Gerald and Katelee that I ignored my true feelings.
The fact remains that even though Colorado is a nice place, and everyone has truly been overwhelming kind to us, I am homesick. This is not home, at least not yet. I find myself daydreaming about attending last Tuesday night's bookclub, holding Tiffany's new baby in my arms, having meetings with Wendy, Juli, and Markel, visiting teaching Lisa and Jordan, having lunch with Kara and Jennie, or just hanging out in the cul-de-sac...
And then I remember that I have been through this before. And I think that this homesickness is part of the healing process. It just takes time. And I'm not known for my patience. Still, I want all of you to know . . . I miss you. I really do.
You know what? I haven't had visiting teachers come since you left. It makes me sad because you were such an awesome visiting teacher/friend, but at the same time I don't know if new ones could compare anyway. We miss you guys too!
ReplyDeleteI think it's perfectly normal to be feeling this now. The "newness" of the situation has worn off, and it's back to everyday life, except without some of the same things you had before (close friends in close proximity), and you have more down time to think about it.
By the way, we moved book club to this next Tuesday, so you can still make it!!
If it makes you feel better, whenever I drive by your house and see a light on I think "Oh Jenn's home." Then I remember that you aren't there anymore and it makes me sad.
And sorry I'm not better at calling to talk, I'm not a good phone person, but I'll try harder!
I miss you too. and I can sorta sympathize. I know I'm not as far away as you, but I definitely get homesick now that we're in Riverton.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you're having a hard time. I'm glad I can read your blog and catch up with what's going on in your life.
Like Lisa said, we moved book club to next Tuesday, we're reading The Book Thief. We'll miss you, of course.
ohhhh... I really miss you too!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI miss you Jenn, and so do your piano students. :) I hope that the sadness goes away soon. That doesn't help make things any easier. So whenever I drive by your house at night and I see the light on and I seriously think, "How can they live there? That is just not their house, don't they know that?" Wierd I know, but that's what pops into my head. You are definitely missed around here.
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