My biggest flaw as a mother is my tendency to be constantly busy. Lately this has really been weighing on my mind, and I am trying to make a conscience effort to slow down.
I love Julie B. Beck's powerful and classic talk "Mothers Who Know" that she gave in general conference in October 2007, I try to read the talk every few months on a regular basis. (If you're interested, you can read the talk here.) While everything in her talk really resounds within me, I find some of the things really hard to do. This is what Sister Beck says about doing less:
"Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all."
I feel like this is exactly what the spirit has been trying to tell me for awhile. But, if I'm honest, I'll admit that this is really hard for me! I wonder if other mothers struggle with this, or if it's just me. I was born with one of those over-achieving, need to stay busy, make more to-do lists, Type-A personalities, and it's hard for me to let go of all the things I do. It's so easy for me to get caught up in my own work and projects and expect Katelee to just be interested in what I'm doing or to entertain herself. Don't get me wrong; I do spend time with Katelee. But lately I have been so busy that I don't relax and savor that time like I wish I would.
When I think of doing less, a few things immediately come to my mind. I need to sleep less (get up earlier, BEFORE Katelee, and get some things done) and I need to talk on the phone less (hard to do with my current church calling, piano lessons, and my friends and family that I love to stay in touch with). I also need to work less. I've been feeling this one for some time now, which is why I am going to cut back significantly on my piano teaching once the school year ends. Ever since I made the decision to do these things, I have felt a lot of peace. But it's easier said than done. I know it sounds so selfish, but I will really have a difficult time letting go a little in these areas.
But I DO want to change. When I really think about the kind of mom I want to be, I know I'm not living up to my own expectations. I want to be the mom who really listens, who gives Katelee my full attention when she needs it. I want to be available to play for a few minutes whenever Katelee wants a companion. I want to have more quiet, relaxed moments when the spirit can be more abundantly felt. I want Katelee to really, really, really know without a shadow of a doubt that she is more important to me than doing the dishes or chatting on the phone with a friend. So I'm asking for your suggestions. What are the little things you do that help you spend more quality time with your kid(s)? How do you better enjoy your playtime with them, because honestly sometimes I just don't want to play super heroes anymore. What things do you give up in order to "do less?" I would love to hear any advice you have as I attempt to be a little better.
I'm right there with you. I've always been a busy bee. It was a tough decision to quit my at-home job when Damon was born, but has been the best decision to focus on them...really though, I struggle with the same things you do, so I'll have to check back on what other people are saying :) I did teach Logan how to slide down the stairs with a blanket though...not sure that was the best idea, but I loved to do that as a kid. We should get together and let the kids play and we'll brainstorm some great ideas. :)
ReplyDeleteJen. I just have to say-- that I think you're a wonderful mom! You're doing such a great job with Katelee! She obviously loves you--and you obviously love her too!
ReplyDeleteI struggle with the same things too. Now that John works longer hours-to get an extra day off-I tend to go a little stir-crazy...and do things that are so unnecessary--especially when it comes to the computer and having the tv on. :)
John and I do our best during the summers. We turn off the tv and take them for a stroller walk every evening. We let Gavin throw rocks in the water, feed bread to the ducks...and he could do that for hours!
We also take them to the park. Or just put a blanket on the grass and bring toys for them to play with. We'll even bring a frisbee-and we just got a bat and ball for him. We don't "play" with him the whole time-but he loves that we're outside together and that I pay attention to him.
Then of course Family Home Evenings on Monday.
And every night we sing songs, read the scriptures, say prayers, have our family chant {we each say our name and put our hands on top of each other and then raise them up together and say, " The James Family!"} THen we do the rest of the routine--brush teeth-read stories--say prayers--kiss good-night.
Gavin LOVES all of these things.
I find that when I'm outside-I tend to be less "distracted". I leave my phone inside--and just enjoy it the best I can.
I hope you will share what you learn from others! I would like to hear what you do that works!